Okay, DON’T panic… look at the picture. Do you SEE it? DO YOU SEE IT?! I’d like everyone to just stop a minute and notice my incredible CALMNESS. Now, breathe out…OLD ME would be crumpled in a defeated, inconsolable heap, weeping over the UNKNOWN time and EXTENT of CONTAMINATION that has ALREADY occurred. I KNOW. There should be a BADGE to sew on my sleeve for staying calm amidst the judgemental internal voices that SCREAM, “How could you let THIS happen? What is WRONG with you? You are such a BAD mother. How are you going to FIX this?”

Here’s the scoop. My daughter’s gerbils CAN’T be LEFT in an enclosure together. We recently put them in a permanent split with a screen in between so they could STILL do all of their gerbily things with a semblance of the SOCIAL graces they need. One, of course, figured out how to CHEW the screen.

We have a FEW pet cams. My daughter just HAPPENED to check one at some ungodly hour to see IF the gerbils were behaving. THEY were. All good. Then, to her surprise, she watched the little RASCAL who was caught on camera in the picture above, zip in and out and bop around before mysteriously DISAPPEARING.

I can’t help but picture our tiny TARGET as part of the creaturly choir described by John’s vision in the Biblical book of Revelation wherein “every creature in heaven and on earth and under the earth and in the sea and all that is in them,” voiced praise to God in unison. I imagine our mousekin raising it’s tiny hands in the air and squeaking, “To him who sits on the throne and to the Lamb be blessing and honor and glory and might forever and ever!” Revelation 5:13

I’M STILL OKAY. The wheels are turning. My MISSION is SURE. BeRID this house of the unharnessed VARMINTS within. NO WORRIES. The path is straightforward. Then, my daughter says, “YOU CAN’T KILL THEM.” To which I responded, “OF COURSE I WON’T”. What a HORRIBLE assumption! 👀

I firmly believe in the worth of all things living SO I did the live trap thing. My husband got one that can hold up to 30 mice. SO ADORABLE! They can SHARE the space and be released TOGETHER and carry on their mousey business somewhere ELSE. It was a GOOD plan, in THEORY.

Night after night, NO sign of mice. I offered stuff suggested online: peanut butter, chocolate, hotdogs, and seeds, to no avail. I didn’t realize mice and I enjoyed many of the SAME kind of morsels as I do. I moved the trap from the gerbil room to the kitchen, and throughout the basement. NOTHING was stirring.

MICE are WAY smarter than we might think. I guess that’s why science often runs tests using mice as STAND-INS for people. BEAST representing BEAST. With all the eclipse talk this week came discussions about animal behaviour and circadian rhythms. How might the SUDDEN afternoon darkness affect the animals? Will they forget to eat and go to bed hungry? Will they get all keyed up because their routine is interrupted or simply hide as if it is nighttime? Can I somehow take advantage of this celestial happening to CATCH my little house squatters? Will a herd of 30 mice fall into a trance and file themselves right INTO my trap?

Did you know scientists FIRST learned about human circadian rhythms- the way our bodies respond to changes in lightness and darkness, by observing MICE? FASCINATING.

“All God’s critters got a place in the choir. Some sing low and some sing higher. Some sing it out loud on the telephone wire, and some just clap their hands, their paws, or anything they’ve got, now….” This ditty MUST be based on scripture.

In Ecclessiastes we are reminded “that we ourselves are but BEASTS”. Looking at my son’s bathroom tells the story well. “For what happens to the children of [humanity] and what happens to the beasts is the SAME; as one dies, so dies the other. They all have the SAME breath, and [humanity] has NO advantage over the beasts”. Ecclesiastes 3:19-20

After a few days with no success I returned to Google for its STELLAR advice in ALL things. Committed to the cause of doing no harm, I discovered all the things I was doing WRONG. Here’s my compiled list.

1. Rodent proof the house. Fill every hole or crack the size of a dime or larger that could lead to the outside. Seal them in! Otherwise you will fail to catch them.
2. Under no circumstances should I touch the trap with my bare hands. Human scent will tip off the mice. Wear rubber or surgical gloves while opening, closing, and placing the trap. Mmm, okay.
3. Never touch the bait with your bare hands. See above. Yup.yup.
4. Do not place a large amount of bait. A pea sized amount will encourage the mouse to fully enter the trap – I placed a whole feast. I thought I was being nice. – oh, and make sure you put the bait as far from the trap entrance as possible so no tails can be accidentally pinched or broken. My trap has two entrances both leading to the middle – not sure where to put it??
5. Place trap against the wall with entrance closest to the wall side. Make sure it is in the direct path of rodents, where you see their evidence. I see poo everywhere BUT along the walls.
6. Place traps every 2-3 feet. So – one trap isn’t gonna cut it then?
7. Check the traps hourly. Seriously? This is a big commitment. But, this is important. Mice can die from stress-induced disorders, exposure, or dehydration in just a few short hours.  So give them a water station within the trap…?
8. Keep captured mice calm by covering the dark and enclosed trap with a towel.
9. Release mice within 300 feet of where they are caught. What? That”s less than 2 miles, right? and goes against everything I’ve ever been told about it. Won’t they just come back? I guess not, since I’ve rodent proofed the house! Sorry neighbours. Relocated mice apparently don’t know where to find adequate food, water, or shelter and might become weak, be eaten, or be infested by parasites or disease for which they might lack natural immunity.

WELL SHOOT.

I Pay HUNDREDS of dollars to keep our pet rodents healthy and LIVE their best life. Despite scripture telling us that “all flesh shall see the salvation of God,” Luke 3:6 – the church I work for pays the same to ANNIHILATE any mice on site with indoor AND outdoor kill traps.

KILLING them seems so much EASIER. Especially since they will probably die by my efforts anyway…

They shouldn’t be in my house in the first place. They were not invited. We don’t leave food lying around in the basement where they come in. We HAVE A CAT, A DOG, a ZILLION deterrents, yet here they BE, snug as a bug in a rug. I’m not referencing my son’s room at this time.

Maybe the mice were here FIRST. They’ve been coming and going through the seasons for as LONG as we’ve lived here. This is the FIRST time a mouse has made a play for the main floor. Perhaps they are planning an invasion. Perhaps they are OFFENDED by the fundamental wrongness my family persists in doing by claiming and confining animals for our OWN small pleasure. Whatever the case – these creatures of God, our siblings, deserve our compassion and respect. I will continue in this quest to relocate the mice BEFORE they succeed in relocating ME.