My little ponies – mental magic

My daughters and I have been volunteering at Poppy’s Haven, a Newfoundland Pony farm near us. In our day to day living, the girls and I are all kinds of anxious. The younger of my twins was turned away from high school because there were no feasible accommodations to help her cope. Tacked onto a long list of diagnosis’ is her Selective Mutism. I think that’s a misnomer. It should be called Situational Mutism. She becomes physically unable to speak when she anticipates that someone – especially adults – might expect her to do something that she finds threatening. Over the years she has improved a few baby steps.

The ponies are a huge boost to her well being (and mine). Both girls (they’re 19) smile large and breathe deeply while they groom the ponies with soothing, rhythmic motion. Instead of stimming, they touch the textures that are ALL HORSEY and feel the goodness of the moment. The ponies are very receptive and interactive. They nudge, and listen, and ignore with so much personality. It’s just a delight. Today the girls had the ponies out to play friendly games – games to help ready the ponies to accept riders without being spooked. Taking the lead of an 800lb animal and having it listen to you is an ENORMOUS self esteem builder. I am so profoundly overcome to hear my daughter speak to the owner, who is as gentle and kind as the ponies. We are truly blessed to have this opportunity in our lives. Ponies, dogs, gerbils – they are all creatures with calming abilities. You can feel their unconditional acceptance of you and all of your quirks. It’s been a good day. God is good.

Those dreamy blues

Write about your first crush.

After all these years, I can still feel the flutter of excitement in my gut that my six year old brain thought was true love. He wore brown plaid with brown pants and a white ball cap atop a mop of brown hair. He had the darkest, prettiest eyelashes and the dreamiest big blue eyes. Golly. He and one of my girlfriends headed up a game every recess where they were our ‘parents’ and we had to listen to them. She got to wear his white hat. I wanted to wear that hat.

My house was on his way home. He often stopped there to play with me (and my brothers and their friends), especially in the winter. He wore a dark gray parka with light gray fur around the hood that got covered with snow as we rolled around the yard.

Once, his mother arranged a play date for us at his house. It was awkward. A lot of sitting on the couch in silence.

I moved the next year. I called him my boyfriend for several years. Young love. I wonder what ever happened to him? Sigh.

I’m a homebody.

What countries do you want to visit?

I always default to, “I can see everything from here just fine.” Virtual experiences abound. I know there is nothing better than breathing the air and filling all your senses in a new place. I am a nervous traveler, especially as the world seems to be falling apart. The kid in me has always wanted to see the pyramids in Egypt and the Parthenon in Greece. I’d still like to visit the Mediterranean – Israel, the Holy Land, out of curiosity, and to feed my faith.

Just back from visiting with a parishioner at the beach. Canada rocks. Lake Huron views are the best.

Yikes!

What’s your favorite thing about yourself?

I wasn’t expecting such a hard daily prompt question. I usually spend time beating myself up and handing out smiles. Life is tough. I guess I like that I’ve always managed to rise above the challenges – from being broke to recovering from disease and mental health setbacks. I’ll have to think on this more.

Hello World!

I turned 50 last September which means a year has almost passed since that milestone. I had plans to transform into my very BEST self by this time. I have not. A creative outlet is always good. I like reading, but ever since I got these stupid trifocals, it’s hard. You have to hold the book or tablet practically right under your nose to be able to see it clearly. Cheater glasses, just for reading, do work, but I think they are the cause of some of my headaches. So, I’m not exactly poring over reading material the way I used to. Anyway, I’m pretty good at talking about myself and looking for attention. Don’t be alarmed. I’m medicated and in regular therapy. Mental health is a real bugger.

I’ve always been terrible at keeping a journal. I start and stop a million times. Since I’m paying for this blog, I figure it will encourage me to check in more often. I LOVE writing – I AM a minister, after all. I write at least one sermon (well researched speech about faith) every week. But this is for me, and for you if you want to follow my reflections and my mindfulness journey. My family and I are long suffering and do our best to DO OUR BEST.

My daughter and I walked our dog this morning. It’s a beautiful day and the sun is out. The best moment was passing by a yard with a very visible garden. What a wonderful realization that I am not alone. Their garden looked at least as overgrown as my flower beds. Yes! Solidarity feels way healthier than humiliation.