environment

Fear Not

Things have been rather heavy around here.  By around here, I mean in my head.  I’ve just nearly recovered from a WEIRD laryngitis in which I learned I actually talk A LOT.  I had no idea.

It was good to pass on a few voice-necessary tasks to others for a few days.  It was restful, I guess.  Except for the anxiety it created in my deep tissue. Asking for help ALWAYS has me bracing for judgment while others simply do the favour as if it ISN’t a life-altering burden.  I’m learning.

I was SILENT all through the US presidential election.  Even though I’m Canadian, it made me feel like I was drowning, like the waves were battering my heart and the current was dragging me under.  But we all made it through anyway.  The day passed.  Morning came again. 

I wanted some time outdoors, to breathe in nature and exhale my stress.  I was feeling pretty healthy, so yesterday my friend and I spent some time at the water’s edge.  It was a dull and VERY windy day with a tiny bit of drizzle.  Lake Huron was absolutely WILD.  As we looked out over the water I suddenly felt a terrible dread begin in my gut.  There was a person out there in the enormous waves.  Stunned, we asked each other, ‘They couldn’t be swimming, right?’  I mean, it’s November – unseasonal weather, but still.  Are they drowning?  Panic gripped.  Another head bobbed above the water – there are two of them. Did they have a boat?  Did it capsize?  What were they thinking, boating in this turbulence?  We were about to lose it when I suddenly realized they were wearing wet suits.  Oh – were they scuba diving?  In the murky, churning deep?

It took us some time to understand.  The men were tethered by their ankles to paddle boards.  One would stand up and try to surf but get knocked down by the incredible waves – some of which looked to be as TALL as the men! I’d lose sight of one, then both, and WORRY- but they kept turning up, bobbing, going under, or lying flat on their boards, letting the waves carry them.  One of them came ashore. He walked out of the wildness holding his board.  His face was slathered with some kind of thick cream – to protect his skin, I suppose.  He said, “Now it’s YOUR turn!” with a grin.  I told him he was amazing and completely OUT OF HIS MIND.  He walked briskly to the pier, up to the end and jumped off, back into the waves for ANOTHER go. 

Those guys would be NO help to one another if anything were to happen.  They were TOO far apart and the water was too fast and too POWERFUL.  My friend and I would be of no use either.  I shuddered at the thought.

As we watched I relaxed a little and began to ADMIRE the freedom these guys must be feeling.  IMAGINE IT.  Thrill seeking is scary and can be really dangerous.  Despite this, these guys were clearly enjoying themselves and not concerned.  Maybe they were strong swimmers or trained for these conditions. Whatever the case – THEY were NOT in control of the waves.  They did, however, get reprieve from the battering by clinging to their boards and staying afloat as the waves crashed through them.  I remember being in a wave pool.  It was pleasant.  It was even kind of fun.  It could NOT compare to what I was seeing.

Precariously relying on a wetsuit for warmth and a little tie to a floating board to keep one safe while within an expansive, violent body of water, knowing your life was out of your hands but choosing to live it anyway – AWESOME.  

Life is precarious, isn’t it?  There are no guarantees that we can ever control what is and could happen to us or to the people we love.  The world is TUMULTUOUS and POWERFUL. We are powerless to control it.  It’s also amazing and beautiful.  Choosing to live in the face of uncertainty, making the most of every moment, not letting fear hold us back from goodness – is AWESOME. 

As the guys were floating atop the crazy waves, I imagined how it would feel to move with the flow, to accept the power that engages and envelops, to look up at the big wide sky just as the sun was peeking through the clouds, It’s glittery rays hitting the water, being ONE with unspeakable beauty.  It made me so very thankful to have been witness to this.  My friend and I walked away full of appreciation for life, as it is, as it will be, always awesome, always mysterious, and always mysteriously presenting gifts of goodness and glimpses of freedom in the most fantastically unexpected ways. Thanks be to God!

Visiting Serenity

“The heavens declare the glory of God; the skies proclaim the work of his hands. 2 Day after day they pour forth speech; night after night they reveal knowledge. 3 They have no speech, they use no words; no sound is heard from them. 4 Yet their voice goes out into all the earth, their words to the ends of the world.”

Psalm 19:1-4 NIV

My husband GINGERLY tows our LARGE travel trailer so that our family can go camping with ‘the comforts of home’.  By ‘COMFORTS’, I mean, bringing many of our furry friends.  Andy removed the dining table and bench as well as the couch to make room for animal enclosures and adult sized bodies to sleep on the floor. As we careen down hills, and barrel around curves WAY too fast, my hubby swears and, I pray.  Our kids (all over 18 except for 1) sit squished together in our F-150, which is VERY difficult for our daughter who lives with severe OCD ETC.  Everyone is packed in like sardines.  The twins and their youngest brother in the back, Andy and my oldest son in the front, with me between them.  I have to keep my feet up on the console with my knees way up in the air – it’s like doing a 6 hour abdominal CRUNCH.  Man, my knees ache, and my belly gets sore!  The 3 guinea pigs are stuffed under the back seat.  The gerbils are in two carriers at the feet of one of my daughters.  The dog sits ON TOP of my other daughter and son.  It is GRUELING.  But we have collectively decided that it IS worth it.

Do you watch ‘The Chosen’ series on TV?  It’s not for everyone, but I enjoy the visual and the literary license taken to depict ‘A’ story about the ministry of Jesus the Christ.  MY CHRIST.  There is an episode in season one, illustrating Jesus BEFORE the onset of his public life, BEFORE he calls his disciples or any of that.  In it, Jesus pitches camp – FOR REAL. He sets up a cloth shelter, makes a fire pit surrounded by rocks, collects wood, forages food,  builds a wooden table, a work bench for tools he carries with him, and a hanging rack. He cooks over the fire with clay pots, and eats from homemade bowls.  He sleepswith his body on the GROUND.  He washes his face in a stream. He prays and exercises.  He sits and CARVES MANY things.  He hums and sings and EVEN tells campfire stories to children who visit him. 

It resonates.  I was raised by AVID, RUSTIC style campers.  I have given up some of THAT experience to accommodate the unique needs of MY children that would otherwise have prevented us from camping AT ALL. But I can speak this language of minimalistic, nomadic, nature exposed, and nature dependent circumstances.

The wallpaper on my phone is my FAVORITE icon of Jesus, “Christ in the Wilderness” by artist Kelly Latimore. She pictures Jesus sitting alone in the wilderness, under a starry sky, next to a campfire. He looks run down, in need of a rest. He gazes at the galaxies above, perhaps pondering HIS HUMAN SMALLNESS. The way he sits suggests he is cold or maybe shielding his legs from biting flies.  It is meant to represent his 40 days of temptation by the devil.  He is removed from all the ‘comforts’ of civilization and faced with the discomfort of CREATURELY living. To me, it speaks of reorienting oneself to the earth, the enormity of creation, and solidarity with lions and tigers and bears, OH MY! In my camping experience there have been bears, yes. Chipmunks, racoons, skunks, deer, and the damn mosquitoes are the norm.

A funny thing happens when we settle into our campsite.  My son who has led the life of a HERMIT since Covid, emerges from the trailer to sit by the fire.  To go for hikes with the dog.  To visit with extended family.  To smile and laugh, I can see his eyes and it fills me with RELIEF and JOY.  He worries me, SO.  

My neurodiverse daughter ALSO gladly emerges.  She hunts for all things living, capturing frogs, snails, millipedes, aphids, salamanders, moths,  isopods (roley poley/pill bugs), spiders and Daddy Longlegs (did YOU know they ARE NOT spiders? I still don’t like them).  She admires them ALL and thoroughly researches them on her tablet.  She takes tons of pictures and then releases them back where she found them.  Her OCD seems to vanish as she treks through the bush, off the path,  searching through rotten logs, under rocks, and in the dirt.  She loves seeing nature in action.  Ants moving their larva. The variety of mushrooms. How the chipmunks taunt the dog and steal her kibble.  She doesn’t realize how much exercise she is getting.  Like my son, she has exerted little energy since Covid.

The rest of us drink in as much of the beauty and serenity each day brings, even as it rains, as our pets get sick, and the trailer breaks.  Being outside ignites energy.  It lights a fire in our weary souls.  We suddenly feel the urge to move, to explore, to create, and to EAT. All that fresh air makes us VERY hungry!  

In Jesus time, I don’t suppose the smells and stuffiness of being indoors was very appealing. Going outside and breathing deeply is therapy for a life so congested with STUFF and overscheduling.  It allows a moment to taste and see that the Lord is good.   Look up, look down, look around, look within.  God is everywhere.  Nature opens us to receive the gifts of energy renewed, hearts filled, and the hope of living unto death.  

No matter what your position on the spectrum of mental health, I prescribe for you to GET OUTSIDE!  Creation speaks not a word.  Creation enfolds, inspires, energizes, and teaches us how this planet is good. The animals – mammals, reptiles, amphibians, birds, fish, insects, arachnids, molluscs- vertebrates and invertabrates, they are GOOD!  Trees, shrubs, grasses, flowers, weeds – ALL GOOD!  Dirt, soil, rocks, and sand, moss, fungi – so very GOOD!  Each with a God-given gift to serve the earth and EACH OTHER!  WE are a part of this circle of GOODNESS! The same SPIRIT is where we live and move and have our being. (Acts 17:28).  

Maybe Jesus wasn’t REALLY a camper, but he appreciated the created world.  Maybe you aren’t a camper EITHER.  You can STILL enjoy the fragrance of a beautiful garden, the breeze on your skin, the sound of the wind through the trees, the taste of the fresh bounty from the earth, birdsong, chipmunk chatter, the cry of a loon, the touch of soft grass on your toes, the smell and pitter patter of the rain.  Nature embraces you just as the Spirit embraces you, wherever you are, whoever you are, however you are. These natural things are available to us to seek out, to nurture, and to visit.  Serenity is found in hearts that listen for the ‘ground of all being’ that sings the rythm of the universe into the foundation of our humanity, into our Godspark, our very soul.  What a BLESSING to belong to this GOODNESS.

Unbidden

30 Again [Jesus] said, “What shall we say the kingdom of God is like, or what parable shall we use to describe it? 31 It is like a mustard seed, which is the smallest of all seeds on earth. 32 Yet when planted, it grows and becomes the largest of all garden plants, with such big branches that the birds can perch in its shade.” Mark 4:30-32

My side lawn used to house three ENORMOUS trees that stood in a perfect row. Two flanked the driveway and the other stood by the little parking spot next to the garage. I agreed to have them TAKEN DOWN because they had signs of rot and were encroaching on the buildings.  






Many people in my congregation thought they were walnut trees but NONE produced nuts and one had thorny branches and enormous white sprays that attracted SWARMS of bees in the spring. I was curious so I did some research.  Whoever planted those trees in our yard either didn’t think it through or they had a twisted sense of humour.   If I’m right [I’M RIGHT], one tree was a honey locust and the others were a ‘tree of heaven’ pair.  HILARIOUS.  I’ll tell you why.  All three trees created prolific seedlings not only in our lawn and flower beds but also in those of our neighbours and, in fact, the whole village.  They were invasive and grew with great speed. The roots went DEEP and held FAST.  It took A LOT of work to dig up their roots and pull them up from the ground. There were SO MANY little saplings springing up that it felt like a PLAGUE.  It was IRRITATING and NO amount of hard work could STOP them from growing.  










Once someone told me that it was a pastor who did the planting. The house has always been owned by the church I serve and their pastors traditionally take up residence in it. I guess the pastor responsible thought AFFLICTING the parsonage with a tree named after the promise of honey and the plague of locusts from the Bible was FUNNY.  At any rate, the whole tree thing seemed clearly  PLANNED. The honey locust dripped sticky, messy sap on the roof of the garage and the sidewalk and, although the other two trees were tall and appeared to reach HIGH into the heavens, they were a stubborn, HELLISH nuisance. Amusing, right?  I was pretty sure I hated those trees.










The scripture I preached a couple Sundays ago was Jesus’ parable of the mustard seed.  I couldn’t help but think of THESE trees.  A mustard plant begins as a small, inconsequential seed, hidden in the ground. Some varieties can RISE up to be a very LARGE bush. They aren’t REGAL looking or anything, just very ORDINARY, naturally occurring plants that grow like WEEDS.  I’m no farmer but I know that the LAST thing a crop needs is tree-like weeds that steal sunshine and invite a bunch of birds and pests to pick around. Yet Jesus compares the mysterious in-breaking, sweeping [firmament- dimension-precinct-dominion-realm-‘kin’dom] Kingdom OF GOD to a mustard seed.  An IRRITANT. 










Those trees had grown like weeds.  Even though they were uprooted, SOMEHOW through the miracle of nature, their offspring always continued, and, TO THIS DAY, pop up EVERYWHERE – through the boards of our deck, pushing into the bottom of our trailer, lodging tightly between the walls of the house and the steps.  Those trees left a LEGACY of irritants, seeds with aggressive SWARMING behaviour and the ability to TRANSFORM landscapes by sprouting and spreading despite our best efforts to STOP them.















Jesus teaches that the kingdom of God is LIKE THIS.  It pops up everywhere and spreads like weeds whether we TRY to stop it or not.  





What does this mean for us who CHOOSE to put our energy towards the growth of GOD’S hopes and dreams for humanity and creation?  How do we nurture the growth of human decency, justice and love? How do WE teach the way of humility and welcome diversity rather than stifle or silence voices that are difficult to hear? 





I consulted several dictionaries and thesauri to inform my understanding of weeds.  I was DELIGHTED to discover that the same concepts can be directly applied to our Christian concept of God’s in-breaking kingdom within us and among us.  Jesus knew what he was talking about.





The kingdom of God is like ‘a plant out of place.’  It is like a plant ‘that interferes with human activities.’ It is like a plant ‘whose perceived negative characteristics might appear to outweigh its positive characteristics’, OR a plant ‘whose positive characteristics have not yet been discovered’!!!





The Kingdom of heaven is like a weed.  It produces large numbers of seeds. These seeds ‘might remain dormant, but are viable in the soil for long periods of time.’  Perhaps the way of truth and love that we find demonstrated by Jesus IS undesirable in particular situations.  Maybe THAT way of living conflicts with our preferences, needs, and goals.  Surely a life lived speaking truth to power CAN be hazardous, unappealing, and difficult to control and simply unwanted in certain societal ‘environments’, but STILL the realm of God grows forth from our hearts, from the earth, and from the ever-blooming fruit of the Holy Spirit that animates EVERYTHING.










Did you know that some seeds of weeds have unique, God-given structures that ENABLE them to be transported and be easily spread?  For example, like burrs to CLING to animals?  The Holy Spirit is like a burr that clings to the seed, or even the seeds themselves that are consumed and SHAT OUT with ABANDON – ANYWHERE and EVERYWHERE so that God’s love spreads and propagates EVEN in unexpected and difficult places without us so much as lifting a finger to help it move along? SHAT OUT! I LOVE THIS VULGAR, EARTHY, ORDINARY TRUTH!





Soon after the parsonage trees were taken down we started to MISS them.  The inside of our parked vehicles became HOTTER.  Our deck and backyard had NO shade.  We LONGED for the visual of their branches waving and the sound of the breeze through their leaves.  NO more robins or squirrels nested in our front yard.  We MISSED the extra birdsong and the chatter.  In the spring when things started blooming, we missed the sweet locust tree and were grieved knowing we had DESTROYED a HAVEN for the bees that used to collect pollen from its blossoms’ and nestle into its bark for rest.  Those trees had grown like weeds.  The municipality said a new tree would be planted to replace them, a promise yet unfulfilled.  If I so-desired, I could simply allow the weeds to grow back. I’m seriously considering this!





The kingdom of God is like a mustard seed, a weed, an irritant – like the honey locust and the tree of heaven – a real and present tangible LIFE that is ALWAYS open to us to experience and SHARE.  Following Jesus can be HIGHLY disruptive to our comfort and our entrenchment in the status quo.  Asking questions, seeking justice, taking risks for the sake of others – is HARD. It’s NECESSARY. The world needs US to be like that mustard seed – relentless in our mission to invite others into God’s love, into the way of humility, peace, and belonging.  





A weed will grow without our help, even if untended – gradually, mysteriously, even unnoticed until – WHOOPS, there it is. Likewise, the realm of God is always expanding. It grows not just to look nice – but to BENEFIT creation with shelter and security.  Perhaps it is an univited, unmajestic, nuisance to some, but to so many OTHERS it is a much needed reality providing shelter, safety, and happiness. 





Jesus says that seeds sprout and grow even though the farmer really has NO clue how this miracle happens.  The earth produces from itself.  The earth has the power of TRANSFORMATION.  Farmers have to trust the soil, the earth, the ground, the mystery.  The kingdom of God is the same.    The seeds grow on their own REGARDLESS of what we do.  The purpose of sharing the fruit of God’s metaphorical garden is simply to ENCOURAGE this love and growth in our tired world.  We are invited to sow the seeds God provides. Carry the burrs and spread the shit.  This is GOOD news. We don’t know how it all works.  The mustard seed doesn’t push up out of the ground as a full bush and neither does the kingdom of God! We have hope because the new life of the kingdom is already growing here and will carry us through to the harvest of eternal life when the kingdom is realized in its FULLNESS.  It’s IMPOSSIBLE to mess THIS up! The kingdom will keep on growing even amidst our mistakes, the growth of God’s kingdom CANNOT be uprooted.





Sometimes the irritants will get our goat – and sometimes we ourselves must be the irritant for justice and love to grow.  Maybe nobody WISHES for big old weeds – but I can’t deny that the pesky honey locust and the trees of heaven – in their fullness – provided sanctuary and a place for life to FLOURISH in HARMONY.  Let’s look at the seeds that have already been planted and recognize what they have done over time and will continue to grow in the future and let’s accept with CONFIDENCE, the invitation to continue sowing and our INCLUSION in the spreading of God’s expansive and unbidden love.  






			

	
	



			
				


			
		

		
Dispirited Deliberation.  Faith & Depression
	


		

		






I was out shopping for yarn the other day (it was July 20th – I’m crocheting my first dress), and my daughter took the picture you see above.  It’s JULY.  I’m just not prepared to shift to Halloween. 





In Canada, we celebrate Thanksgiving first.  I’m not even ready to think about the Fall holidays. Seeing this had a hugely negative impact on my day, my mood, and my view of the world.  What is wrong with people?  I sound like Charlie Brown (I often feel like him, too).  All this commercialization, this rush to start the party early, leaves little room to appreciate the liminal space, the time between the now and the not yet.





Please take a second to breathe. Inhale, 2,3,4,5. Hold 2,3,4,5. Exhale 2,3,4,5. Notice your breath, your beating heart, each muscle, tendon, and joint.  Breathe in again. Feel the rush of newly oxygenated blood pulse through your veins.





THIS, THIS IS our personal miracle. Every breath depends on the mechanics of our body, intricately laced together and given life by the energy of our great SOURCE.  For me, this translates into GOD.





In church today, I preached on Jesus’ parable about wheat and weeds growing together, treated EQUALLY, only to be separated by the owner of the field at the harvest.  We each have a tangled up bunch of weeds and fruit in our hearts.  On the last day, all that causes sin in the world and inside of us will be burned away as we come into the full GOODNESS intended for us.  





Waiting sucks.





I’m prone to depression and I’ve had a hard week.  Smiling on the outside.  Dispirited within.  Preaching victory. Living in torment.





How do you suppose we can be both Spirit-filled and dispirited?  If God is dwelling in me, why am I so miserable? It doesn’t make sense. Suffering doesn’t make sense.  I know my suffering pales in the face of the war, disaster, and fatal prognosis endured by others. But I’m a long-suffering woman. That’s what I’ve concluded, and I come from a long line of the same.





Long suffering has changed what I believe about God. God makes me extremely frustrated.





The hope I’m supposed to glory in just isn’t realized fast enough. Why must we ENDURE life rather than LIVE it with abundant blessing?





Have you heard of Job? (J-oh-b).  He’s a Biblical Old Testament Prophet who could write the book on enduring pain. In a very short time, he lost everything. His 10 children were suddenly killed.  All of his livestock was also killed. Then, yup, all of his servants were killed. At the same time, he lost his wealth, his health (he was covered in boils), and the support of his grieving wife. His friends blamed him for his suffering. “You must’ve really made God angry. Sucks to be you, man, ” they said.





Like his friends, Job thought that all suffering was divine punishment for sin. Job hadn’t sinned – but boy did he suffer – not for punishment, but simply because pain is in the human experience.





Why the *!#*!#! doesn’t God fix this?  God’s wisdom is far beyond mine. Like Job, I can make the choice to trust God and draw strength from that divine spark in my heart.  I can choose to persevere. I’m a stubborn one.  I will continue to voice my disapproval of the vacuous gods of consumerism.  





Yup. I am despondent, I’m melancholy.  God didn’t defend the reality of pain or explain why it remains in the order of things. God only tells Job to have faith. Be patient, live, love, and leave the rest to the divine.





Deep breath. 2,3,4 5





Good grief, Is this enough?





God, I hope so.







“And now my soul is poured out within me;
    days of affliction have taken hold of me. The night racks my bones,
    and the pain that gnaws me takes no rest.  My inward parts are in turmoil and are never still;
    days of affliction come to meet me. I go about in sunless gloom;
    I stand up in the assembly and cry for help. My lyre is turned to mourning and my pipe to the voice of those who weep.

Job 30:16-17, 27-28, 31 NRSV





“Though he slay me, yet will I trust in him.”  
Job 13:15

			

	
	



			
				


			
		

		
Bigger Than Us
	


		

		



GAIA, touring artwork by UK artist Luke Jerram as displayed in Exeter, ON







I feel so blessed to have been able to visit this GAIA exhibit. It’s an extraordinary to-scale replica of the Earth, which has been suspended from the ceiling of Trivitt Memorial Church in Exeter, Ontario as part of the ‘Huron Waves Music Festival’ during the town’s 150ieth anniversary.





The resin sculpture is lit from the inside and slowly turns to the sound of ethereal music, the actual voices of astronauts in spacecrafts as they experience the real thing, and the artists rendition of the mysterious sounds of the universe.





I think the emptied out sanctuary of a large Church is THE PERFECT PLACE to display it. 





When you  LOOK UP, the peaked nave (above where the congregation would sit) of the church is reminiscent of the inside of the bottom of a LARGE BOAT. It made me think of Noah’s Ark and God’s promises of eternal love and protection. Here, the Ark domes over the delicate, breathtaking earth, like a rainbow, suggesting to me the everlasting presence of God holding our tiny planet in the enormity of space.











The narrow carpet which us usually the sanctuary aisle, forms a line extending from the earth to the BAPTISMAL FONT, which marks the exact distance the earth is from the moon. Viewers behold the planet just as astronauts have really viewed it from the moon. 





Standing there brought feelings of humility and awe.  The planet is astoundingly beautiful, and when you think about it realistically, in all its beauty, it is terrifyingly small in the  vastness of the known universe.





I think it is very FITTING that the FONT is placed as the spacer for the MOON. The baptismal font represents the cleansing work of God’s Spirit that is forever guiding and accompanying us like the steadfastness of the moon.  As the MOON reflects the light of the SUN on the EARTH through the night, WE reflect the brightness of GOD’S LOVE for all creation through the indwelling of Christ’s SPIRIT.  





I doubt any of this was considered in the setup, but it certainly preached to me!






I will treasure the photos taken, especially of me in communion with earth. We must REMEMBER our God-given RESPONSIBILITY of stewardship for the sake of the environment and the SACRED BALANCE humans so thoughtlessly damage.