“We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed.”
These could be the words to my theme song. I don’t have one, of course, but, if I did, it would be sung to tune 878787 PRAISE, MY SOUL, THE KING OF HEAVEN. Google it to hear the melody! It’s also Hymn #864 in the Evangelical Lutheran Worship book, if you have it.
MY EVER-PLAYING THEME SONG:
“Praise, my soul, the God of Heav-en; when af-flict-ed, struck down, scared. My soul shines since I am liv-ing, even when my heart despairs. Per-se-cut-ed, not for-sak-en, fazed I rise a-gain to praise.“
Catchy, ain’t it? Doesn’t it scream REALITY to you? I’ve done some family history, and I think I truly identify with the MANY women in my heritage who were lumped into the category of “LONG SUFFERING.”
Somehow they LIVED. They ran the race. They overcame, they carried on. When I feel the bone weariness of another depression washing over me, maybe I could sing a few lines and snap out of it. I CAN’T ACTUALLY SNAP OUT OF IT. Depression is UNSTOPPABLE even when you are managing it with lifestyle and medication. I have to sing this while I’m feeling OKAY to lay the BEDROCK for when I AM NOT.
BREATHE. Remind yourself that so far in your life, and so far today, you have NOT been CRUSHED into oblivion. Your worry and anxiety has not utterly DEFEATED your spirit. Despair is tempered because, LOOK, here you are – NOT forsaken and NOT destroyed. It’s good news EVEN if you feel like a truck has just hit you and there’s an elephant sitting on your chest. That sadness that separates you from strength and holds apart from relationships and community – it WILL eventually lessen and WHEN it does, you can sing my theme song with me. It will be the shield we wield on this earthly walk TOGETHER.
God shines glorious light into OUR hearts so we can see the divine TREASURE that is planted there, so we can know that even though death is always at work in us, we are also AFLAME with the extraordinary life of Christ.
I’ve been DOWN on myself through these many weeks of Christmastide. But a good friend reminded me that the judgement of others DOESN’T MATTER. It’s LOVE that matters. GOD is LOVE. Sharing love is good for what ails ya. Onward and Upward, friends.
30 Again [Jesus] said, “What shall we say the kingdom of God is like, or what parable shall we use to describe it? 31 It is like a mustard seed, which is the smallest of all seeds on earth. 32 Yet when planted, it grows and becomes the largest of all garden plants, with such big branches that the birds can perch in its shade.” Mark 4:30-32
My side lawn used to house three ENORMOUS trees that stood in a perfect row. Two flanked the driveway and the other stood by the little parking spot next to the garage. I agreed to have them TAKEN DOWN because they had signs of rot and were encroaching on the buildings.
Many people in my congregation thought they were walnut trees but NONE produced nuts and one had thorny branches and enormous white sprays that attracted SWARMS of bees in the spring. I was curious so I did some research. Whoever planted those trees in our yard either didn’t think it through or they had a twisted sense of humour. If I’m right [I’M RIGHT], one tree was a honey locust and the others were a ‘tree of heaven’ pair. HILARIOUS. I’ll tell you why. All three trees created prolific seedlings not only in our lawn and flower beds but also in those of our neighbours and, in fact, the whole village. They were invasive and grew with great speed. The roots went DEEP and held FAST. It took A LOT of work to dig up their roots and pull them up from the ground. There were SO MANY little saplings springing up that it felt like a PLAGUE. It was IRRITATING and NO amount of hard work could STOP them from growing.
Once someone told me that it was a pastor who did the planting. The house has always been owned by the church I serve and their pastors traditionally take up residence in it. I guess the pastor responsible thought AFFLICTING the parsonage with a tree named after the promise of honey and the plague of locusts from the Bible was FUNNY. At any rate, the whole tree thing seemed clearly PLANNED. The honey locust dripped sticky, messy sap on the roof of the garage and the sidewalk and, although the other two trees were tall and appeared to reach HIGH into the heavens, they were a stubborn, HELLISH nuisance. Amusing, right? I was pretty sure I hated those trees.
The scripture I preached a couple Sundays ago was Jesus’ parable of the mustard seed. I couldn’t help but think of THESE trees. A mustard plant begins as a small, inconsequential seed, hidden in the ground. Some varieties can RISE up to be a very LARGE bush. They aren’t REGAL looking or anything, just very ORDINARY, naturally occurring plants that grow like WEEDS. I’m no farmer but I know that the LAST thing a crop needs is tree-like weeds that steal sunshine and invite a bunch of birds and pests to pick around. Yet Jesus compares the mysterious in-breaking, sweeping [firmament- dimension-precinct-dominion-realm-‘kin’dom] Kingdom OF GOD to a mustard seed. An IRRITANT.
Those trees had grown like weeds. Even though they were uprooted, SOMEHOW through the miracle of nature, their offspring always continued, and, TO THIS DAY, pop up EVERYWHERE – through the boards of our deck, pushing into the bottom of our trailer, lodging tightly between the walls of the house and the steps. Those trees left a LEGACY of irritants, seeds with aggressive SWARMING behaviour and the ability to TRANSFORM landscapes by sprouting and spreading despite our best efforts to STOP them.
Jesus teaches that the kingdom of God is LIKE THIS. It pops up everywhere and spreads like weeds whether we TRY to stop it or not.
What does this mean for us who CHOOSE to put our energy towards the growth of GOD’S hopes and dreams for humanity and creation? How do we nurture the growth of human decency, justice and love? How do WE teach the way of humility and welcome diversity rather than stifle or silence voices that are difficult to hear?
I consulted several dictionaries and thesauri to inform my understanding of weeds. I was DELIGHTED to discover that the same concepts can be directly applied to our Christian concept of God’s in-breaking kingdom within us and among us. Jesus knew what he was talking about.
The kingdom of God is like ‘a plant out of place.’ It is like a plant ‘that interferes with human activities.’ It is like a plant ‘whose perceived negative characteristics might appear to outweigh its positive characteristics’, OR a plant ‘whose positive characteristics have not yet been discovered’!!!
The Kingdom of heaven is like a weed. It produces large numbers of seeds. These seeds ‘might remain dormant, but are viable in the soil for long periods of time.’ Perhaps the way of truth and love that we find demonstrated by Jesus IS undesirable in particular situations. Maybe THAT way of living conflicts with our preferences, needs, and goals. Surely a life lived speaking truth to power CAN be hazardous, unappealing, and difficult to control and simply unwanted in certain societal ‘environments’, but STILL the realm of God grows forth from our hearts, from the earth, and from the ever-blooming fruit of the Holy Spirit that animates EVERYTHING.
Did you know that some seeds of weeds have unique, God-given structures that ENABLE them to be transported and be easily spread? For example, like burrs to CLING to animals? The Holy Spirit is like a burr that clings to the seed, or even the seeds themselves that are consumed and SHAT OUT with ABANDON – ANYWHERE and EVERYWHERE so that God’s love spreads and propagates EVEN in unexpected and difficult places without us so much as lifting a finger to help it move along? SHAT OUT! I LOVE THIS VULGAR, EARTHY, ORDINARY TRUTH!
Soon after the parsonage trees were taken down we started to MISS them. The inside of our parked vehicles became HOTTER. Our deck and backyard had NO shade. We LONGED for the visual of their branches waving and the sound of the breeze through their leaves. NO more robins or squirrels nested in our front yard. We MISSED the extra birdsong and the chatter. In the spring when things started blooming, we missed the sweet locust tree and were grieved knowing we had DESTROYED a HAVEN for the bees that used to collect pollen from its blossoms’ and nestle into its bark for rest. Those trees had grown like weeds. The municipality said a new tree would be planted to replace them, a promise yet unfulfilled. If I so-desired, I could simply allow the weeds to grow back. I’m seriously considering this!
The kingdom of God is like a mustard seed, a weed, an irritant – like the honey locust and the tree of heaven – a real and present tangible LIFE that is ALWAYS open to us to experience and SHARE. Following Jesus can be HIGHLY disruptive to our comfort and our entrenchment in the status quo. Asking questions, seeking justice, taking risks for the sake of others – is HARD. It’s NECESSARY. The world needs US to be like that mustard seed – relentless in our mission to invite others into God’s love, into the way of humility, peace, and belonging.
A weed will grow without our help, even if untended – gradually, mysteriously, even unnoticed until – WHOOPS, there it is. Likewise, the realm of God is always expanding. It grows not just to look nice – but to BENEFIT creation with shelter and security. Perhaps it is an univited, unmajestic, nuisance to some, but to so many OTHERS it is a much needed reality providing shelter, safety, and happiness.
Jesus says that seeds sprout and grow even though the farmer really has NO clue how this miracle happens. The earth produces from itself. The earth has the power of TRANSFORMATION. Farmers have to trust the soil, the earth, the ground, the mystery. The kingdom of God is the same. The seeds grow on their own REGARDLESS of what we do. The purpose of sharing the fruit of God’s metaphorical garden is simply to ENCOURAGE this love and growth in our tired world. We are invited to sow the seeds God provides. Carry the burrs and spread the shit. This is GOOD news. We don’t know how it all works. The mustard seed doesn’t push up out of the ground as a full bush and neither does the kingdom of God! We have hope because the new life of the kingdom is already growing here and will carry us through to the harvest of eternal life when the kingdom is realized in its FULLNESS. It’s IMPOSSIBLE to mess THIS up! The kingdom will keep on growing even amidst our mistakes, the growth of God’s kingdom CANNOT be uprooted.
Sometimes the irritants will get our goat – and sometimes we ourselves must be the irritant for justice and love to grow. Maybe nobody WISHES for big old weeds – but I can’t deny that the pesky honey locust and the trees of heaven – in their fullness – provided sanctuary and a place for life to FLOURISH in HARMONY. Let’s look at the seeds that have already been planted and recognize what they have done over time and will continue to grow in the future and let’s accept with CONFIDENCE, the invitation to continue sowing and our INCLUSION in the spreading of God’s expansive and unbidden love.
[Jesus answered them…,] “Very truly, I tell you, unless a grain of wheat falls into the earth and dies, it remains just a single grain; but if it dies, it bears much fruit. 25Those who love their life lose it, and those who hate their life in this world will keep it for eternal life.”
John 12:24-25
Since you’re reading this, you probably ALREADY know that I suffer from anxiety, depression, etcetera. If not, THEN, WELCOME! Thanks for coming. FYI – I reference my own mental health and that of my loved ones alot.
Above, I have quoted a bit of scripture from the Gospel attributed to the apostle named John. HIS version of Jesus is VERY SURE of his own divinity, his mission to gather in the whole world, and his coming fate on the Cross. I guess this isn’t my FAVORITE picture of Jesus. I prefer the human, SUFFERING servant, the ‘learn as you go’ kind of Jesus, found particularly in the Gospels of Mark and Luke. Anyway, this bit from John is PART of what I preached (I’m a pastor) about to my congregation this past Sunday.
When MY heart HURTS, when I am awash with grief, when I feel empty or like I am sinking, I HIDE behind my academia. I lean on my brain INSTEAD of squeezing what I CAN out of my heart. The result? Well, I have some lingering thoughts that I need to lay down.
I have read this scripture passage aloud at the interment of EVERY person I have ever buried. I listened to my father read it over the grave of my brother who succumbed TOO SOON to his mental illness. It is always a struggle to read these words.
I don’t HATE my life. That’s one of the first things people in helping professions ask – ‘do you consider harming yourself? Do you have thoughts of ending it?’ Thankfully, so far my answer has always been a solid NO. Sometimes I manage my mental and physical illnesses better than at OTHER times, however, I have always been able to see HOPE blossoming in my life even when I am suffering. But, like SO MANY others with mental illness, my brother could NOT.
My 20 year old daughter who LIVES WITH mental illness IS considered cognitively and developmentally neurodiverse. She IS generally happy and stable, but, I HAVE heard her TOO MANY times say that she hates her life. When she was very young, her tiny body would flail out violently in extended episodes of frustration and her sweet voice would cry out with disturbing AGONY. Medication changed that – but we sacrificed some of her spirit for the sake of her peace. It still troubles me. Some choices for good, SMART.
My brother respected the church but I don’t really know if HE considered himself Christian. My daughter says she believes in God but NOT in the resurrection of Jesus. How do my brother and daughter FIT into this ‘dying for life’ teaching? I have a hard time seeing the fruit that has resulted from my brother’s death OR from my daughter’s hardships, let alone from the death of my Lord and Saviour, Jesus the Christ. It’s not easy for anyone to find good fruit in the rubble of pain.
Even though I am discerning, I emotionally shrink back from these confusing words and maybe you do too. Read them again: “Very truly, I tell you, unless a grain of wheat falls into the earth and dies, it remains just a single grain; but if it dies, it bears much fruit. Those who love their life lose it, and those who hate their life in this world will keep it for eternal life.” What does this mean for my brother, my daughter, and ALL of our loved ones who are at-arms-length believers? What about those who have NEVER heard the good news? What about those whose suffering overwhelms them into lifelong misery UNTO death?
How DO we reconcile HARD loss or the death of people we love with the bearing of God’s good fruit? How can we possibly understand what it means that Jesus endured what he did for OUR sake and that it was necessary for OUR salvation? It’s a lot to process. How can anyone see positive fruit amidst the terrible rubble?
DON’T PANIC. Let’s focus on LOVE. How do WE share love WITH and FOR our neighbours? Do we approach ALL people with the spirit of equality, esteem and worthiness? How I understand it, adhering to the Christian commandments and the doctrines of the church has a place and CAN be very GOOD, but love is best when it takes center stage in our lives. Each one of us is created from the same STUFF – earth, stars, recycled butterflies (I read this in a poem) – you know, all the ELEMENTAL particles of life. Christians believe that ALL people are created in God’s image out of divine love. It is a free and holy GIFT. Love is meant for goodness and for sharing HOWEVER that translates for us as individuals.
Many people serve the purpose of love without EVER associating it with God. God sees the goodness of our hearts and the service we do EVEN when WE think nothing of it. Love is God’s gift to us regardless of whether WE are conscious of it. Our works come from the love we feel and justice we serve for the sake of our neighbours whether we say it’s in the name of Christ OR NOT.
Andy (my husband) and I have four ‘young ADULT’ children (ages 16-20). They are each unique and we parent each of them according to THEIR needs. One might be super independent. One might not be. One might be outgoing. Another is not. Their comfort zones and abilities are ALL different. We fiercely love EACH and every ONE of them with our WHOLE hearts. We adjust our parenting to best suit their INDIVIDUAL needs. If WE can do that, and God created us, can’t we trust that God parents us in this SAME way? God loves each one of us and God relates to us each individually – SOME are ALREADY folded into the ULTIMATE Source of EVERYTHING’s’ embrace, OTHERS, God is patiently and gently DRAWING IN. Some will not realize the fullness of God’s love until their physical life ENDS. But God is always, always, ALWAYS evolving and adjusting and working, over and OVER to bring us into a cosmic relationship with the divine mystery and with each other.
Even I (not a green thumb) CAN understand the agricultural reference that a seed is useless until it is BURIED in soil where it will sprout and reproduce, it will burst with life, multiply and GROW. If it is never planted it will remain just an individual seed. The stuff about hating and loving our lives is not as cryptic as my weary heart sometimes hears it. I looked it up. In the original GREEK the translation for “love and hate” is a sentiment that sounds MORE like ‘favouring OR rejecting’ the ways of worldly living or ‘favouring OR rejecting’ the ways of our eternal and holy purpose, our souls. The word ‘Life,’ you see, in Greek, suggests MORE than the physical reality but also the BREATH, the spiritual and the eternal life force. Jesus is speaking about OUR Godsparks! (my word)
The physical world feeds our material wants and desires. Jesus is NOT suggesting that we seek out a life of poverty or abuse. Rather, when we accept even small sacrifices for the sake of what is holy, for God’s love of ALL people and ALL of creation, then we reject what humanity has made of the world and embrace the inbreaking realm of God with our WHOLE SELVES, with our whole heart, with our Godsparky soul. When we hold on to the things of this world, of our lives just as they are, when we would rather maintain the status quo than RISK something new, we will remain JUST as we are. When we let go of the things of this world right now, when we let love loose and share it abundantly – that’s when we TRULY live and find love forever abiding in God. We can choose to live in the in-breaking and everlasting realm of God TODAY, rather than WAIT for death and heaven – There’s STILL promise for those unplanted grains though!- I’ve read about seeds sprouting BUMPER crops after many many MANY years of lying DORMANT. Hope springs eternal. It’s NEVER too late for new life to grow – even if we DIE first.
My daughter (also 20 – twins!) and I were walking our OLD puppy girl, Tessa, the day after the EARLY warmth in March gave way BACK to wintery weather. The birds who’d all come back were visibly TICKED. Many robins took cover under our trailer, all PUFFED and angry. The bit of snow was melting rapidly as the sun came out. Our Tessa dog walks slowly and meanders. Following her lead, we had ample time to look around. My daughter and I saw MANY signs of spring even though the birds were on a singing STRIKE. Trees and bushes full of BUDS, some beginning to PEEK out from their protective casings, new GREEN growth on the coniferous hedges, and sprouts POKING out of the earth, some already beginning to open despite the cold and snow.
The natural world is full of resurrection on repeat. Dying and rising with the seasons. Nourishing and growing for new life over and over and over AND OVER.
There is more to death than endings. Sharing love, sharing the spirit of love that dwells within us, sharing our Godspark – draws ALL people IN TOGETHER. We are bonded by a mystical union. We will know ultimate love when we endeavor to understand that life belongs with death and death is a natural part of living. We need both death and resurrection for the world to turn. For our souls to blossom. For our goodness to continue on through the ages.
Jesus says – Hey, you want to see me? I’ll tell you how you’ll see me after I’ve been lifted up in death, in resurrection, in my ascension. You’ll SEE ME IN EACH OTHER. I’m going to die – like the planted seed. Don’t look for me in the ground, in the seed in the tomb. Look for me IN the GROWING plant, – in the full ears of grain. That’s where you’ll find me. Look at yourself and the fruit YOU are bearing.
The fruit is meant to be good. We are meant to live in love and I am CONVINCED you WILL see Jesus there. Jesus says he dies so that we can bear even better fruit. Love lives on, in and through the generations. Pass it on.
Which brings us back to the loving and hating our lives conundrum. Dying to this life is an invitation into new life TODAY. Not the life WE orchestrate but the abundant life of living in God’s eternal and transcendent presence right NOW. This death has nothing to do with the length of our physical life, but with the QUALITY of life. It’s about living in LOVE. Dying to our life to bear fruit and abiding within God’s FOREVER love NOW. Our lives can be a glorious proclamation of love for God. Even so, don’t forget that God loves everyone and everything in all of Creation NO MATTER WHAT.
In John’s Gospel, Jesus explains that seeking him, seeing him, does NOT mean avoiding pain and death. INSTEAD, we can choose to trust that God WILL bring about LIFE. We may not be able to avoid suffering, but we can cling to Jesus’ promise that he WILL light our paths toward LIFE. Jesus describes the CROSS as the gathering place for agony, glory, unity, and communion: “When I am lifted up from the earth, I will draw all people to myself.” Jesus willingly took the violence, the contempt, and the hatred of THIS world into HIS body, his sacrifice. He held on to his message of UNIVERSAL love, grace, and liberation, knowing full well that the message would cost him his life. He loved and he loved and he LOVED, all the way to his physical, bodily end and continues to LOVE US – IN, WITH, and THROUGH US. The SPIRIT of Jesus DWELLS in each one of us. We’ve ALL got that mysterious Godspark that love ignites in our souls.
Jesus loves me whether I love or NOT. Jesus loves you too, and Jesus loves my late brother and Jesus loves my daughter. It’s challenging sometimes, especially on those low days where depression grips HARD – but I choose to use my wavering trust to REMEMBER that Jesus wishes to see me — to see ALL of us — far more urgently than we’ll EVER long to see him. This is my REFUGE and the promise I clutch to myself through the HURT. We love because he loves first. The cross pulls us toward God and toward each other whether we KNOW it or WANT it because, in the end- we ALL belong to God, the Creator, the ultimate source of everything, and WE are ALL a part of the mystery of the vastness of the COSMOS within God’s ever-EXPANDING circle of life and LOVE.
Nuanced Niddy 