lifestyle

Barbapapa Blues

“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, or about your body, what you will wear.  Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing?” Matthew 6:25
“If I say, “Surely the darkness shall cover me, and night wraps itself around me,” even the darkness is not dark to you; the night is as bright as the day, for darkness is as light to you.  For it was you who formed my inward parts; you who knit me together in my mother's womb.  I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.  Wonderful are your works; that I know very well.” Psalm 139:11-14


“They don’t make dresses for sausages.”  That’s what a dear old lady in my Mom’s church choir used to say.  When I was a teenager, I thought she was a cute, little Finn lady with a great sense of humour.  She was short and looked ordinary enough to me – but I get it now.  She was right.  They DON’T make dresses for sausages.  I have entered my SAUSAGE ERA.  I’m a jumbo sausage.  More specifically, I am a HOT  Jumbo, Great Canadian Meat, Gluten Free, HIGH protein sausage. 

I should say I’ve been here before.  I had a brief reprieve from jumbo life when my health required a very restrictive diet.  For a few years, I was more of a CHIPOLATA sausage – small and skinny.  However, I have reentered the Jumbo arena, and let me tell you,  it sucks.

Body dysmorphia is a terrible LIAR.  When I was super thin, I was convinced I should be even thinner.  Whenever my pants size goes up,  I think I’m too heavy.  Either way, SHAME has me in its grip.  I wish I could take what Jesus says to heart and not give a crap about what my body looks like or, like King David, be grateful to be living in it for the gift that IT IS.

Sometimes, okay – NEVER I think about my body as a gift from God.  It’s hard to imagine why the DIVINE would find it a pleasing place to dwell, but God chooses it ANYWAY.  It doesn’t work as well as other bodies.  It IS worse for wear.  I’ve treated it poorly.  There are accumulated and genetic health issues I simply can not fix.  Most days, I am angry at my body, actually angry at MYSELF, and I’m a very long way from forgiveness and healing. 

A couple of months ago, while trying on my spring and summer clothes, I realized I had gained considerable weight over the preceding two years.  They were times filled with EXTRA STRESS that affected my self-worth, my family life, my social life, and my work.  I’d given up alcohol (long story) several years before, so I distracted myself with FOOD instead.  Apparently, eating a WHOLE chocolate bar every night adds up, and menopause weight is no JOKE, especially when it comes to stress eating. 

Depression is a reality in my little life. It ebbs and flows in currents that start as an ACHE in my heart that quickly takes hold of my brain. It turns me into an actress. I stop living and fall into the shadows of despair and self-loathing.  It’s  HARD to remember that the blanket of darkness that enshrouds me is NOT as it seems. The weight is a cosmic hug and a warmth emanating from heavenly light. This ISN’T just Bible Study stuff or things I HAVE to say because I’m in the God business.  God REALLY knows me and you  too.  God loves me and God loves YOU.  We don’t have to act, or change, or do ANYTHING at all.  Be yourself!  I am a living, breathing, hot, sweating, extra large creation OF GOD.

I’m good enough. I’m strong enough. And gosh darn it, people like me –  (SNL – anyone? Personal affirmations in the mirror? Nevermind)

I’m an agent of my Maker. Even if I’m a shape-shifter like the blobby Barbapapas, I used to watch on TV. ‘Clickety Click, Barba trick’- their bodies morph into whatever is needed – thin, thick, tall, short, big, small, narrow, or wide.  Who cares.  God doesn’t.

The world needs us so very much to be loving.  Love yourself so you can dig deep and find joy and peace in loving others with everything you are. No holds barred. 

PS. I’m still going on a diet and beginning a new exercise routine. It’s a way to love my body.  Chin up.

Bop, Shoo Bop

What do you think gets better with age?

An earnest and rare charismatic Lutheran friend made us teach ‘Jesus is my rock’ to our young cabin group children at Church Camp. It was so long ago I can’t really remember the whole song. I AM Lutheran too. As far as I know, this isn’t a Lutheran song. Gosh, I hated singing this. It had ACTIONS 😬 A teenager’s dream.

“Jesus is my rock and he rolls my blues away. Bop shoo Bop, shoo Bop, Woo…”

HATED IT.  Yet, this is what came to mind with today’s prompt. When I look back on the life I’ve experienced so far, it’s easy to pick out the progression of my faith. FAITH gets better with age.  That stupid song is true.  Jesus is my best strength and my best solace in this world.

I wrote about mystic Julian of Norwich in a previous post. A friend sent me a lovely article today that reflects Julian’s perception of the ‘oneness’ of God’s creation.  When we are ‘oneing’ we are rediscovering the intrinsic love of God in all people and all creation.  I think I am inching closer to this concept every day. I desire to engage in ‘oneing’. In many faith groups, the acceptance of human goodness and unity is a long, chased after and continual goal.

What gets better with age?  I wanna say shoes, cheese, and stories. But shoes and cheese have little to do with faith – unless we stretch them into metaphors for learning about each other’s plight (walk a mile in my shoes) or perhaps the journey to oneness.  Cheese, the manna of my life, nourishes my body with creation’s goodness – but I have a real PROBLEM with SHARING it.

Stories are different. Our faith is based on stories that were important enough to first pass on orally and then captured, hand written on parchment. Faith Stories teach us who we are and WHOSE we are. (I’m talking about GOD, in case you didn’t catch that)

These stories portray the most gorgeous aspects of humanity: Kindness, empathy, acceptance,  and love.  Also, the stories don’t leave out the ugliest bits of us: envy, greed, and hatefulness. Stories of faith keep it real and relevant.

Faith ages well. With time, we experience the hills and valleys and those DAMN ROCKS that only JESUS can roll away! We become more aware of ourselves, others, creation, and our place in the order of galaxies and cosmos.  We become more humble and gentle. Social justice is our natural prerogative.

‘Oneing’ with the world looks more and more promising with each passing day. The gift of faith grows from within us. Our personal divine indwelling, our soul, our Godspark, responds to the Godspark in others. Day by day, blessed assurance until our precious Lord takes us home. 

‘Jesus is my rock and he rolls my blues away. Bop, shoo bop, shoo bop, whoo..” Can I hear an AMEN?

Who’s Procrastinating?

On what subject(s) are you an authority?

It’s Friday night. I’m a minister. I haven’t started to write my Sunday sermon yet. I mean, I have ideas. I’ve been thinking about it all week. I can see it in my head. I’ll do it tomorrow. For sure. It’ll be my last chance. I’ll be editing until 10 minutes before the service starts. It’s fine. I do my best work under pressure.

I get all the unnecessary things done while I’m NOT writing my sermon. I reduced our living room furniture by one couch and a chair. Everything is nicely rearranged. I have a floorplan ready to bring in and move around some more stuff – my piano is a biggie – what good is a piano if it’s tucked away and blocked by pet habitats and all their paraphernalia?

Did I mention that I organized the medicine cabinet and a book shelf? I took a quick drive to look at the lake. All’s well there, by the way. I dumped the contents of a junk drawer on the counter and sorted through it. I found the cassette tape of our wedding and the little light bulbs for the salt lamp. Impressive finds! I took a little run to the pet store to get poo bags and dog treats. All ready for our walk tomorrow!

I love all the reading and the research and the mulling of everything over while the words I will preach are simmering. I love writing, and I love preaching. God always has something fresh to add at the last minute. God is helpful that way. It’s all good. I know how it will end. Whatever comes out will emphasize that “You are not alone. God loves you just the way you are!”

This kind of procrastination is a process, a routine. Living my moments, savouring all the little Gospel connections, feeling the Spirit’s sparks, forming the stories and illustrations that will pop so that hopefully, maybe, someone might be moved in Spirit when they hear the delivery of the final draft.

I am informed by my own delaying tactics. My thoughts need time to vacillate and ruminate. I’m really good at this. Procrastination is a necessary tool. Perhaps it is a subject for which I can speak as an authority. Procrastination is my superpower. Thanks be to God!